How to Negotiate with a Wedding Vendor

As a general rule of thumb, we don’t negotiate with wedding vendors on behalf of our clients. Actually, let me rephrase that: we don’t ask vendors to lower their prices simply because their existing pricing structure does not fit within a client’s budget. In the current economic climate, wedding budgets are being tightened like never before and as a result, some couples seem to think that vendors should reduce their prices accordingly. After all, money is money, right? Booking the client at a lower rate is better than losing the business altogether. Not quite. Think of how you would feel if your boss came up to you and said, “Look, funds are a little tight right now, so I’m going to cut your pay by 25% for the next two weeks, but you’ll still have to come in and do the same amount of work.”

You see, wedding professionals are in a service industry. Negotiating the price on a new car, for example, is an entirely different ballgame. In this case, you are simply asking the car dealer to lower their profit margin. They pay a certain amount for the vehicle and sell it for a higher price. The higher the price, the more money they make, and so list prices are typically inflated to leave room for negotiation. A wedding vendor, however, is essentially selling themselves. They provide a service and base their pricing on the time, effort, and resources involved in executing that service. By asking them to lower their price just because you can't afford it, you are devaluing them. Most vendors don’t appreciate this.

Think of negotiation as a compromise: both parties agree to give something up in order to get something in return. If a certain photographer is out of your budget, for instance, you can ask for a lower price in exchange for less hours of coverage at the wedding, fewer photographic prints, or a smaller album. That way, you pay less and the photographer spends less time and/or resources on your event. Everybody wins. Keep this in mind the next time you are negotiating with a wedding professional.

Do you have any negotiating tips to share?

[Image credit: Brides.com]

It's like raaaaaain on your wedding day

So, I like to have things planned out in advance - weekend plans, vacation plans, life plans, everything. I can't help it. I like knowing what's coming next. I also like having some degree of control over what's coming next. Unfortunately, as we all know, that isn't always possible. There's a funny little saying that goes, "If you want to see God laugh, make a plan."

Well, God was apparently feeling comedic on my wedding day because I had planned for it to be 80 degrees, sunny, and breezy. Not too much to ask, I didn't think, considering that it was June. What I got instead was 95 degrees, overcast, and humid, with a thunderstorm thrown in for good measure. Luckily, most of the rain held off until we were on our way to the reception. We did get our outdoor photos as planned, but not with the blue sky backdrop I had envisioned, and not without complaints from our bridal party about the unrelenting heat.

Fast-forward four years. I decided it would be fun to get all dressed up and do a trash-the-dress-type photo shoot for our anniversary, so after convincing Greg to go along with the idea, I started making plans. I hired a photographer, shopped for outfits, booked hair and makeup appointments, and once again willed the weather to cooperate. And once again, God had a good laugh at my expense.

Our shoot was scheduled for Thursday, so that Monday, I started stalking the upcoming forecast . . . RAIN. All. Week. Long. Now, rain on your anniversary isn't quite as disappointing as rain on your wedding day, but the fact that things weren't working out the way I had planned (again) was frustrating nonetheless.

Short of rescheduling the photo shoot, which wasn't really an option in my mind since I wanted the pictures to be taken on our actual anniversary, there wasn't much I could do. So I watched my plan go down the drain (literally), dusted off my umbrella, and hoped for the best. And this is what I got:


Those little white specks you see in the photo are individual rain droplets. Pretty cool, huh?

The moral of this story is: go with the flow on your wedding day. The weather is about the only aspect of the event that you can't control. If you're planning an outdoor ceremony, have a backup plan just in case. And if it does rain, get cozy with your new hubby or wifey under an umbrella and have fun with it.

Huge thanks to Eric and Amber at Raw Photo Design for their photographic skills. Here are a few more of the amazing shots they captured for us:

Five Items to Eliminate from your Wedding Budget

In today’s tight economic times, little expenses can add up and make a big impact. If you’re on a strict wedding budget, here are a few items you can comfortably eliminate without sacrificing the integrity of your event.

1. Save-the-Dates
Save-the-dates are a nice-to-have and are most definitely not necessary for every wedding. They are really only useful if you are getting married on a holiday weekend and need to give your guests ample time to make travel plans. Even if this is the case, you can do without save-the-dates. Have your friends and family spread the word about your wedding date. You don’t need to spend a couple hundred dollars on fancy stationery or custom magnets.

2. Aisle Runner
Trust me when I say these are more trouble than they’re worth. I had one at my own wedding. They bunch up and trip your wedding guests when they’re walking back down the aisle after the ceremony. If you feel strongly about having one, then by all means go for it, but please don’t feel the least bit obligated.

3. Toasting Flutes
Nearly every wedding reception begins with a champagne toast, but the toasting flutes provided by your venue or caterer will get the job done just as effectively as the $150 Waterford ones. You will probably never, ever use them again.

4. Cake Server
The same goes for a fancy silver cake serving set. It’s just not a necessary expense. Unless you’re planning to cut your children’s birthday cakes with it every year, you’ll never get your money’s worth. There are plenty of other wedding accoutrements you can monogram or engrave.

5. Bathroom Baskets
Bathroom baskets are a bonus, plain and simple. Your guests aren’t expecting them and won’t miss them. (Besides, if you’ve hired us as your day-of coordinators, we’ll have a fully stocked emergency kit on hand with everything your bathroom baskets would contain and more.)

What have you eliminated from your wedding budget?

[Image source: Piggy Bank Wedding]

Bridal Registry Best Practices

My husband Greg works in retail management for Bed Bath & Beyond. As a manager, part of his job involves overseeing the store’s bridal registry program. The irony of this situation is that when we were planning our wedding a few years ago, Greg was a classic example of a disinterested groom. He would roll his eyes whenever I’d talk about the wedding (which was pretty much non-stop, so I can’t really blame him). Needless to say, I find it rather amusing that his days are now often spent explaining the benefits of fine china versus everyday china to engaged couples.

I recently sat Greg down and picked his brain about bridal registry do’s and don’ts. Below are his words of wisdom, along with a few tips of my own.

Don’t be afraid to splurge.
This is your chance to “shop” for items you wouldn’t normally buy for yourself, such as high quality cookware and cutlery, so go ahead and register for pricier items. Groups of guests will often go in on a gift together and split the cost.

Don’t do all of your registering online.
Nothing beats registering in your pajamas from the comfort of home, but keep in mind that some stores carry merchandise on their website that is not necessarily sold in stores. Guests who prefer to shop the old fashioned way may become frustrated when they arrive at the store, only to find out that the majority of items on your registry have to be purchased online.

Do fill your registry.
Couples who hope to receive cash gifts are often hesitant to add a lot of items to their registry in hopes of discouraging guests from making a purchase at the store. However, keeping your registry lean doesn’t necessarily mean that guests will opt to give cash. Instead, they may take the liberty of selecting a gift item on their own, which may not suit your taste.

Do keep your registry up to date.
If you’re planning to have an engagement party, you may decide to register shortly after you get engaged so that guests have some gift ideas. However, don’t do the bulk of your registering until a few months before the wedding. Stores rotate their inventory throughout the year, and items you may have registered for a year ago when you first got engaged may very well be discontinued by the time your shower invitations go out.

Do consider seasonality.
If you register in June for your October wedding, resist the urge to add a patio set or outdoor grill to your registry. Chances are, these items will no longer be available in the store when your guests are shopping for a gift in the late summer/early fall.

Do take advantage of the bridal registry associate.
I realized that didn’t sound quite right after I wrote it, but what I mean is, take advantage of the associate’s knowledge. They have been specially trained in the registry program and know exactly how many bath towels, hand towels, and wash cloths you should include.

Don’t do all of your registering in one place.
Give your guests some options. This is especially important if you have guests traveling from out of town. Make sure the geographical locations of the stores you’ve chosen to register at are convenient for everyone to get to. (This one obviously came from me, as a Bed Bath & Beyond employee would never advocate registering somewhere else.)

Don’t rush the process.
Registering is not a quick errand you can run on your way home from work one night. Plan to spend a good two to three hours getting your registry set up initially. And don’t think that you have to complete the whole thing in one day. Couples often make a few trips back to the store to finish the job.

Do you have any other registry tips to share? Let us know by leaving a comment and we’ll donate a dollar to the Alzheimer’s Association as part of our Comment for a Cause initiative.

[Image source: www.ksfy.com]

Don't Make the "Must-Take" Mistake

When I was planning my wedding a few years back, "must-take" photo lists were all the rage. Brides would scour The Knot message boards for wedding photos posted by recently married knotties and dedicate a section of their Knot bio to images they hoped to re-create on their own wedding day. Certain photos became infamous and made it onto almost everyone's must-take list. I can recall one of a couple dancing in the middle of their guests where the bride and groom were in color and everyone else was in black and white.

The whole must-take concept never made much sense to me. What made the infamous wedding photos beautiful and interesting was the fact that they captured a candid, unscripted moment in time. Imitating someone else's moment in order to achieve the same image would defeat the purpose entirely. Not only that, but I imagine the re-enactment, so to speak, would feel completely staged and awkward: "Okay, you stand there and I'll stand here. Now, rest your head on my shoulder . . ."

That being said, must-take photo lists do have their place a wedding if you have specific group shots you want taken that day. Just don't get too carried away. Posing for photos with every combination of family members imaginable will take up valuable time that you could be spending interacting with your bridal party and guests. That's when the genuine, candid moments happen.

Trust your photographer. You hired them because you loved the images you saw in their portfolio, so give them the creative freedom to capture your unique wedding day through their own eyes.

If you created a must-take photo list for your wedding, what was the end result? Did you get the images you wanted? Any photographers out there care to weigh in on must-take lists?

[Image source: www.weddingfavorselite.com]

Paint the Picture

Sometimes it’s difficult to truly see the big picture of your wedding design. In your travels, you find individual elements that catch your eye that you would love to incorporate into your event vision. However, it can be difficult to see the things you love objectively.

For a way to get a better sense of what your wedding will look like, I recommend purchasing a collage board.

Pick up paint chips of colors that call to you from Home Depot. Purchase a fat quarter of fabric that you fall in love with at Joann’s. Tear out photos of various décor elements from your favorite magazines. Print out ideas you have come across on the internet (including photos of your ceremony and reception locations).

Place all of these images and materials on the board to create your own wedding day collage. Spend some time standing a few feet away from it, adding new pieces and removing others.

As you inspect your wedding design collage, ask yourself some questions:

1. Do these colors complement each other? Matchy-matchy is not the goal of wedding design, but the various colors should play off each other and bring out the rest of the décor.

2. Do the items flow together? You do not necessarily need a theme, but the aspects of your wedding should provide a consistency throughout the entire event.

3. Do the items really speak to your personalities? The event should be a true display to your guests of what is in your hearts on the day you celebrate your marriage with them.

4. Are you selecting wedding elements simply because you feel obligated out of tradition? Jordan almonds are not a necessity. They may be the standard favor for a lot of weddings… but this is your time to think outside of the box.

5. Is this vision realistic in comparison to my budget? We all love the lush floral arrangements you see spotlighted at a wedding planned by Preston Bailey- but it’s not a reality for many people (myself included). However, there are ways to recreate this look. Take some time reviewing the more extravagant details you admire and brainstorm ways to invoke the same feeling for less money.

What are some methods you use to envision your event design as you make decor decisions?

[photo source: Crafty.Quirky.Fun Blog]

Be Careful Not to Overdo-it-Yourself

I consider myself a “crafty” person. I have a background in art and absolutely love to create. Therefore, it was only natural that when I was planning my own wedding, a lot of the details would be produced by me. The operative word there is details… meaning something small. However, I had two years to plan a wedding and let’s just say… I started out a little overly ambitious.

After my wonderful husband (fiancé at the time) slipped that beautiful sapphire and diamond ring on my finger, I started thinking about all the contributions I would make to my wedding. However… I got a little overzealous in my insistence on creating every element of my wedding by hand.

For example, I was going to design and sew my own dress. I spent HOURS looking at various patterns and fabrics. I analyzed elements of each dress that I loved, and drew sketches to determine what I would have to do to recreate that look. Keep in mind, I can sew, but I am by NO means a professional. I can only IMAGINE what the dress would have looked like

My husband jumped on the DIY bandwagon right along with me. He decided that he was going to bake and decorate our 4 tier wedding cake. He likes to bake. So what if he had only ever made one layer cakes? He was confident. He would make the cake… and all our guests would be incredibly impressed.

Luckily, we woke up from our delusions in time enough to hire REAL, PROFESSIONAL vendors! Unfortunately, some brides never recognize that they’re in over their heads and continue on with these projects. The enormity and timely nature of these projects can create a lot of stress. You should enjoy the process of planning your wedding, and you shouldn’t spend the days before your wedding running on little sleep and nervously biting your nails (think of those ring photos!)

These are the items I suggest a couple avoid attempting on their own:

• Wedding Cake
• Catering
• Floral Design
• Ceremony/Reception Music
• Wedding Dress/Bridesmaids Dress

However, sometimes it’s a nice touch when elements are handmade by the couple. These items are usually things that can be done well in advance of the event and are smaller details. These aspects include:

• The invitations/save-the-dates/thank you cards
• Favors (design, execution and packaging)
• Signage (signature cocktail, table numbers, placecards)
• Guest book or variations thereof
• Your veil/headpiece (I did this myself. My veil cost approximately $4 and it was exactly what I had envisioned)
• Candy/cookie/dessert buffet

The time leading up to your wedding should be enjoyable and as stress-free as possible. No bride should be sick of the idea of her wedding day by the time it finally arrives. It should be as exciting as the day you started making your plans. There is a reason people pay for professional wedding vendors… they are worth EVERY PENNY. Even if you have the ability to create a lot of these things, your time and energy are more important!

What are you planning to DIY for your own wedding? For those already married, what details did you personally contribute to your event?

[photo source: Blue Orchid Designs Blog]

Coping with a Disinterested Groom

It’s a fact of life: for the vast majority of engaged couples, the bride’s interest in the wedding plans exceeds the groom’s by at least a mile. This isn’t surprising. The term “wedding” conjures up images of rose petals and lace – not something many men are interested in. Ladies, I feel your pain. My husband’s involvement in the planning of our wedding was limited almost exclusively to getting fitted for his tuxedo. Seriously. He didn’t even see our reception site until our limo dropped us off on the big day.

While I wished that he’d been more interested in the details of our day, in many respects, having sole decision making authority made the planning process go much more smoothly. Here are a few tips to make it as painless as possible for your disinterested groom.

Don’t involve him in every. single. decision.
No matter how perfect you are for each other, no two people are going to agree on everything all the time. There are literally hundreds of decisions to make while planning a wedding and trying to come to a consensus on each and every one is just asking for conflict. There’s no need to consult with your groom about what shade of pink to dye your crinoline. That’s what your maid of honor is for.

Give him specific tasks to focus on.
Men like to feel useful, so give your groom a job to do. Food, music, and transportation are typically a pretty safe bet in terms of holding his interest. You’ve got enough on your mind. Let him decide whether to rent a stretch Hummer or a party bus for the big day.

Don’t talk about the wedding 24/7.
This is hard to do. We know. We were once brides too. If your groom is not all that interested in the wedding to begin with, hearing about it constantly is only going to aggravate the issue. When you’re feeling particularly chatty, call your mother, your bridesmaids, or your wedding planner, and keep your groom on a need-to-know basis.

If he wants to have a say, let him!
Marriage is about compromise, and so is wedding planning. Your groom may very well decide along the way that he does have an opinion on certain things after all. (Case in point: my husband randomly decided that we needed to have a baby picture slideshow at the reception.) Listening to him and being open to his ideas will help him feel more involved and less like the wedding is all about you.

Are you a bride who’s currently coping with a disinterested groom? Or perhaps you’re a rare groom who is interested in your wedding (and you must be if you’re reading this blog!). We’d love it if you’d comment for a cause.

[Photo source: WeddingChannel]

How Not to Become a Two-Dress Bride

If you’re not familiar with the term “two-dress bride," it’s pretty self-explanatory: a bride with not one, but two wedding dresses. And I don’t mean a traditional ball gown to wear at the ceremony and a slinkier number to change into at the reception. This is a bride who purchases a dress, and then decides that said dress just isn’t what she sees herself walking down the aisle in, so she purchases a second (or a third, or a fourth). Not only is this cost-prohibitive, it’s just plain unnecessary. Here are a few simple strategies to avoid falling victim to this unfortunate circumstance.

Don’t jump the gun on dress shopping.
Dress shopping is by far one of the most thrilling parts of the wedding planning process. As a result, most brides are eager to get this crossed off the to-do list in a hurry. Try to hold off, however, until you have some of your essential wedding plans in place. Your venue, for instance, can have a major influence on the design of your event and, consequently, your attire. An ornate ball gown with a cathedral train has no place at a casual afternoon beach wedding.

Don’t bring too many people shopping with you.
One thing all brides learn very quickly as they start to plan their weddings is that everyone has an opinion, and most people don’t hesitate to share it in the form of unsolicited advice. While in theory it may seem like a good idea to bring your eight bridesmaids, mother, future mother-in-law, grandmother, aunt, cousin, second cousin, etc., this is one case where “the more the merrier” most definitely does not apply. Getting that many people to agree on anything is nearly impossible and conflicting opinions will only complicate your decision. Plus, you run the risk of being talked out of something you really like. Instead, bring just two or three of your closest friends or family members whose opinions you value.

Trust your gut.
You knew your fiancé was “the one” when you met him. Chances are, you’ll experience a similar epiphany while dress shopping. Many brides start out with a pre-conceived notion of the kind dress they want and end up purchasing something completely different. If the gown you fall in love with doesn’t match the vision you originally had in your mind, be open to that.

Once you’ve made the purchase, stop looking!
You will always, always find something you like even better for the simple reason that new and stunning dress designs are hitting the runways all the time. Don’t let temptation rear its ugly head. Once you’ve purchased your dress, close that chapter of the planning process and move on.

[Photo source: The Wedding Planning Institute]

To see, or not to see (each other before the ceremony): that is the question

Over the past few years, the traditional notion of the bride and groom seeing each other for the first time on their wedding day as the bride makes her journey down the aisle has been falling by the wayside. Many couples are now opting to have a “first look” before any of the wedding festivities get underway. Often, this involves staging the bride and groom’s first meeting in some way. For instance, the groom’s back is turned while the bride makes her way down a staircase or garden path to meet him, at which point the groom turns around and the couple comes face to face for the first time to see each other in their wedding attire.

While we’ve only had a handful of couples partake in this new trend, the decision of whether or not to see each other before the ceremony has become one of the many logistical wedding details to finalize, and there are benefits to both options.

To See
One of the best reasons to see each other before the ceremony is to preserve time. This is especially true if you have a short window of time between your ceremony and reception during which to take formal photos. After getting the necessary bridal party and family group shots, you certainly don’t want to have to rush through the bride and groom portraits in order to make it to your reception on time, so carving out a block of time before the ceremony to accomplish this is a great way to ensure that the remainder of your day runs on schedule. The first look is also a good option for couples who wish to attend their entire cocktail hour, since that period of time is typically designated for keeping guests occupied while the couple is elsewhere taking photos.

Another reason couples may choose to meet before the ceremony is so that they can enjoy some private time together (in the company of their photographer, of course). Brides and grooms are pulled in so many different directions by well-meaning guests once the wedding gets underway and, after reflecting back on their day, often feel as though they hardly spent a moment together. Taking a couple of hours to be alone with one another creates a wonderful bonding experience for the soon-to-be-married couple. Many couples who opt to have a first look report feeling much more relaxed once the ceremony begins, as seeing each other beforehand gives them a sense of reassurance.

Not to See
For every couple who chooses to see each other before the ceremony, it seems there are at least five who prefer to go the traditional route and have their first look as the bride appears from behind a colorful trail of bridesmaids and makes her way down the aisle. Whether this decision is based on the old wives’ tale that it’s bad luck to do otherwise, brides and grooms who see each other for the first time at their ceremony often report feeling a greater sense of excitement and anticipation when the ceremony begins. Another reason couples may choose to wait until after they have exchanged vows to take formal photos together is so that their wedding images truly depict them as a married couple, complete with wedding rings in place.

It’s a personal choice for every couple and there is certainly no right or wrong answer. If you're a bride- or groom-to-be (or a recently married couple), we’d love it if you’d weigh in with your opinions on why you decided to/decided not to see each other before the ceremony. Leave us a comment and we’ll donate a dollar to The Humane Society for every comment posted as part of our Comment for a Cause initiative.

{Images courtesy of Raw Photo Design}