Monday, March 2, 2009

Coping with a Disinterested Groom

It’s a fact of life: for the vast majority of engaged couples, the bride’s interest in the wedding plans exceeds the groom’s by at least a mile. This isn’t surprising. The term “wedding” conjures up images of rose petals and lace – not something many men are interested in. Ladies, I feel your pain. My husband’s involvement in the planning of our wedding was limited almost exclusively to getting fitted for his tuxedo. Seriously. He didn’t even see our reception site until our limo dropped us off on the big day.

While I wished that he’d been more interested in the details of our day, in many respects, having sole decision making authority made the planning process go much more smoothly. Here are a few tips to make it as painless as possible for your disinterested groom.

Don’t involve him in every. single. decision.
No matter how perfect you are for each other, no two people are going to agree on everything all the time. There are literally hundreds of decisions to make while planning a wedding and trying to come to a consensus on each and every one is just asking for conflict. There’s no need to consult with your groom about what shade of pink to dye your crinoline. That’s what your maid of honor is for.

Give him specific tasks to focus on.
Men like to feel useful, so give your groom a job to do. Food, music, and transportation are typically a pretty safe bet in terms of holding his interest. You’ve got enough on your mind. Let him decide whether to rent a stretch Hummer or a party bus for the big day.

Don’t talk about the wedding 24/7.
This is hard to do. We know. We were once brides too. If your groom is not all that interested in the wedding to begin with, hearing about it constantly is only going to aggravate the issue. When you’re feeling particularly chatty, call your mother, your bridesmaids, or your wedding planner, and keep your groom on a need-to-know basis.

If he wants to have a say, let him!
Marriage is about compromise, and so is wedding planning. Your groom may very well decide along the way that he does have an opinion on certain things after all. (Case in point: my husband randomly decided that we needed to have a baby picture slideshow at the reception.) Listening to him and being open to his ideas will help him feel more involved and less like the wedding is all about you.

Are you a bride who’s currently coping with a disinterested groom? Or perhaps you’re a rare groom who is interested in your wedding (and you must be if you’re reading this blog!). We’d love it if you’d comment for a cause.

[Photo source: WeddingChannel]

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